WHY? Does any of this really matter?

This has been a horrible month! I can't wait for it to end. This may not be an appropriate forum for this so I apologize in advance.

Early in October, my best friend was disagnosed with breast cancer. Why? She has always been healthy. She's the 3rd generation to have the disease! Last week she had both breasts removed and hopes with some chemotherapy she will live cancer free. I pray for her health - and my own, since none of us knows what tomorrow will bring.

On Oct. 6, my parents (87 and 85) celebrated their 55th wedding anniversary. Following that milestone, my father's health has continued to decline to the point where they can no longer stay at home without help. He called me wanting to go to the hospital so he could rest and "feel better". After his plea, I began the search to find an assisted living facility for them-- selling our family home, if necessary -- so that they would be safe and still be together. I'm afraid that they will hurt themselves while we begin our search for reliable help or a safe place. I'm still doing my research on possible facilities - it's just a matter of days before he won't be able to stay at home. Why me?

On Sunday, October 22, a 51 year old friend at church who never smoked died of lung cancer. She first became aware of the cancer in April and now she is gone. She worked at our church in Children's Ministry. She loved God, her family and all the children of the church. She was the mother hen who protected all those who couldn't take care of themselves. She leaves 2 daughters, a husband and all her friends asking - WHY?

So needless to say, my priorities and concerns have been on things besides this class and my project. In the big picture, does any of this really matter? I have learned so many things in this class about the action learning process, about using technology, about being an adult learner, about time constraints. What I'm learning is also that priorities may change but I have to keep going forward. Please understand that I am struggling just to keep up with the "necessities" in life. I've made the commitment to myself to continue to learn, to be involved in the process and to grow. Will I complete a project? Only time will tell. That is still my goal.

Soon everything will be better. My life is no different from any other adult who is trying to work, take classes and still maintain a life with my family.

Help! I'm floating and I can't get down.......

The other day our learning set was playing in the zone - trying new things and seeing what our avatars could do. All of a sudden, I was floating in the air and everytime I moved the mouse, I would spin around. Most of my life I've had a recurring dream about being able to float - or at least leap into the air and fly (like I was weightless). This reminded me of my dream. At first it was fun to float and spin, then I realized that I couldn't get back to the ground and I wasn't able to communicate with my group. None of the keystrokes worked and the mouse just spun "me" around. Finally, with a little help from a friend, I learned to hit Esc - and all the chaos ended. I learned something new today - don't hit the freelook mode and if you do, there is a way to escape!

I think this experience is similar to what I feel sometimes in this class. Sometimes I just want to push all the different keys (ie. try out new ideas and experience new things) and see where it takes me. I'm enjoying the active world and all the ways I can learn. The technology adds an extra dimension to the learning - a new toy. It can be fun for a little while but eventually, I don't know where I am or how to get home. I want to hit escape and go back to things that I understand and know how to control. I like to talk with people - hear the tone of their voice, see the body language and watch the expression. I feel like I am getting to know some of the members of the class - by reading the blogs and discussion forums. There is comfort in knowing that there is a group of people who will help me find the way back; back to my comfort zone.

I am not trained as an educator. I am not versed in the various pedagogy. Most of the theories mentioned in class are new to me. I hear (read) the terms or names and then have to do research to understand the concept. My background is in counseling. I work with individuals most of the time, not groups. I don't teach as much as I encourage others to find the correct answer for themselves. I provide resources, not solutions. Helping others grow and expand their knowledge so they can develop their own path - that's my job.

This class is sometimes like an out-of-body experience. I feel like I am just floating around watching the world go by -- not really part of it and certainly not grounded. I'm just floating and spinning and trying to find the escape key! Other times, I know I am learning, building new relationships and expanding my knowledge so that I can be a better resource for others. That is what it's all about.

Great expectations

HE 5050 - I've learned more than I expected - about myself and adult learning experiences.

Initially, I decided to take a course so that I could relate better to the adults who come to my office for assistance. Many of them have been out of the classroom for a number of years. I suspect that some of them were marginally successful in high school or college so they are hesitant to take the leap and try again. I considered a class from the community college (free tuition) or one of the classes offered by ASU at HMHEC. First, I had to find a class that would not conflict with my work schedule and my "other time commitments" like church, parents, Rotary, sleep, etc. This is the same for almost everyone who comes to my office. I have access to the names of the courses offered by ASU early in the year and when I saw HE 5050 I thought it might be interesting. I called Sandy and asked about the process and before I knew it, I was registered. The process was easy - especially with a little help from my friends.

The first night of class I felt like the new kid who just moved to town. I recognized several of the students. They are continuing with classes in their cohort. They thought I was there to welcome them back for another semester --- what a surprise to find out I wasn't leaving! It was exciting and it also made me nervous to actually be back in a classroom after 20+ years.

Moving to the computer lab and beginning to immediately learn about the "new world" made it all real. I felt lost! Information overload. Fortunately, I took lots of notes -wrote down user names and passwords - and enough key words to keep up with everyone else. By the end of the evening, I was excited about this new world and feeling overwhelmed by the experience. I immediately went to my office to download AET Zone - before I forgot how to do it.

By the end of the second day, I was fairly confident that the technology would not be a significant hindrence for me but all the background theories and terminology were missing from my database. As other students listed theories, technologies and attributes of adult learners, I sat quietly --- trying to assimilate all the new names and terms. Time for homework! I ordered the text, began reading and started to feel more comfortable. Reading all the blogs and the discussions added to my sense that most of us in the class were "in the same boat". We were all floundering around -looking for guidance and finding support from each other. That was part of the process, but it made me uncomfortable, especially when I read that "I will let you sink" (which turned out to be a typo -- not was missing!)

By the time the class met for the third time, I was again feeling comfortable with my decision to return to the classroom. I have gained so much by getting to know my classmates. The action learning process has been a valuable tool - both for building those relationships and for learning. I have felt the frustration of getting lost and I have felt the pride of figuring it out (with help or by myself). I still did not have all the names and faces matched up, but I wasn't a total stranger.

The semester is not over yet. I expect to continue to build on what I have learned about my project and the technologies available to assist me as a facilitator and instructor. I know I will be a much better counselor --- I have experienced life as a student again. I am surviving! This class is the best of both worlds. We meet together and we also communicate using the available technologies. I will be able to help others talk about their fears and I'll be able to share my experience with them. I may even show them around the commons!

Now, back to the book and on with my project. This semester will be over too quickly. I have to get this done!

So that's what you look like.....

Today I met one of my Boone classmates. It was great to see her face. From now on I'll have a new appreciation for her comments and blogs. She and I will be dealing with some of the same students as ASU begins to provide more services for the off-campus programs, especially the new undergraduate full-time, daytime programs. I look forward to finding out more about her project and the impact it will have on the students here and at the other sites. I wonder how many on-campus students will also use her program --- especially since they may be more tech savvy than some of the off-campus students who are still be living at home.

Anyway, just another plus for taking this class. I'm looking forward to meeting the rest of the group in December. I am enjoying the AET Zone and all the possibilities for doing research and just playing in the commons, but I know the most important part of this educational experience for me is still meeting the members of the class and hopefully getting to know them. I cannot imagine a class that meets totally on-line without some face-to-face interaction. We are all using technology that was used on Star Trek and the Jetsons for our work and in our daily lives. Who knew that a tricorder would become a cell phone with GPS? Only Gene Rodenberry! As long as it is a supplement to our interactions and isn't the replacement, I guess I can live with it. Sometimes it feels like it isn't real when I can't see, hear or touch. Interaction and learning for me includes all of my senses --- again, this may be because of my counseling background, or just my age. I am too easily distracted with all the gadgets.

So for now, I'll enjoy this new world and look forward to adding new voices and human faces to the avatars in December.

Train the Trainer

After spending some time doing research on my project, I think I have determined that I really need to train the trainer --- provide the information and the access to resources so that at least one member of each club will be knowledgable about the membership process and they can then train the members of their club to provide information to potential and new members.

I've been doing a some research and also talking with individuals who might use the information and it is interesting to me how little current members know about the organization and the process for recruiting new members. Educating the current members is the top priority! I know that this group (primarily middle-aged men in top management positions) is accustomed to having adminstrative assistants and middle managers to carry out their projects at work. In a civic organization, everyone has to do part of the work - their are no supervisors, only workers.

Short presentations with lists of resources - both human and printed material - may still be the best way to get the information to a test group and see if they have the interest and ability to spend more time learning about the process. There is at least one training seminar each year. I can gather the resources and have them available on disk and as a link to the website-- at least that will be my goal.

Spinning my wheels

Work has been hectic the past few weeks and now I feel like I have fallen behind in my classwork. I will try to spend a good part of the weekend working on my project and defining the steps I'll follow during the remainder of the semester. While I have narrowed my project down, I am now running in circles trying to define the exact audience. Will I be dealing with new members or with the trainers of the new members? Am I able to set up 2 areas of information so that I can provide information for both groups? I'm working with an established website and want to add this as another page - from the menu on the homepage. I've been doing lots of thinking with not much action. I need to get moving!